Why
by cooliochick5
Summary: It took many sleepless nights to lead you to where you were now. Every decision you had made had let you to this moment. You, former Prince Zuko, were going to kill yourself.
1. Chapter 1

It's mornings like these where you wish you had just kept your mouth shut. You wish you had never spoken out at that meeting. At the very least, you wish your father would have simply killed you, but, he didn't. He sent you on a quest to find the Avatar, one you were currently questioning as of late.

You dreaded breathing. The simple intake of breath made you sick. It was a constantly reminder of your failure. Your failure of catching the avatar, restoring your honor, making your father proud...deciding right from wrong...

You just couldn't take it anymore.

You felt horribly conflicted. You were the prince of the Fire Nation, damn it! You didn't give a damn about any one. Your only goal in life was to be the greatest.

No, your only goal in life right now was to regain your honor.

Or,

was it to help Uncle Iroh around his tea shop...

Princes don't help...and yet, that's exactly what you were doing...So, what did that make you?

You groaned tiredly as you handed a customer her tea. Princes don't give peasants tea.

Then again, you were not a prince.

You were a fool.

No! Not even that. You were a no body. A nobody with nothing worth living for. Nothing to his name. Nothing than a constant reminder to yourself of how worthless you were. How much of a failure you were.

It took many sleepless nights to lead you to where you were now. Every decision you had made had let you to this moment.

You, former Prince Zuko, were going to kill yourself.

You had it planned so well, too. You had written a note explaining just why you had to do it.

You'd wait until dinner was over when Uncle Iroh would do one of two things; sleep or play pai sho. That's when you would do it. You would head to your room where you kept your swords. One cut across the throat would do it, right?

Didn't matter, you would find out soon enough.

Usually during dinner, your uncle would ask you about your day, maybe poke fun at you for some girl glancing you way. But, not tonight. He had an emotionless look on his face while he ate, occasionally glancing up at you.

You took small bites of your food, looking up a few times as well. The silence was beginning to get to you when Iron set his bowl down.

"You seem troubled, Prince Zuko."

You cringed at the title. Iroh when out of his way to remind you of who you where. Or rather, who you used to be.

"Trouble? What makes you say that?" You shot back. Iroh offered you a smile,

"You would tell me if something was wrong, wouldn't you?"

"Uh, yes." You reply back, "But, nothing is wrong, uncle." You try to change the topic, but Iroh continues to press on.

"Prince Zuko...this has been troubling you for quite some time, hasn't it."

"I don't know what you're talking about." You glare.

"Zuko, Life is a valuable thing. The honor of it is a great burden, but it is one we learn to enjoy."

"Uncle, you aren't making-" You are about to argue when Iroh holds up his hand.

"I only wish you would tell me one thing."

"What's that?"

"Why?"

Your mouth runs dry and your eyes tear up as the word leaves his mouth.

_Why._

"Why?" You repeat slowly.

"Yes, why?" Uncle Iroh's face is back to one of no emotion. However, you can see it in is eyes, the concern, curiosity, even anger.

"Why what?" You try to regain yourself long enough to switch the topic, but that is not what Iroh intends to do.

"Prince Zuko, I am not one for going through others' belongings," He says as he pulls a letter from a pocket on his robe, "But this has caught my attention," he sets it on the table between you, "Would you like to explain it to me?"

You stare between the letter and your uncle. You slowly reach for the paper, unfolding it. There, in your own hand writing, was your reason.

"Uncle, I-" You try to explain, but what's the point? He already knew.

"Zuko, why would you even think to do such a thing?" You close your eyes, letting trapped tears fall. Iroh rises from his seat, kneeling beside you.

"Uncle, I just...I just don't know what to do anymore..." Iroh tugs you into a hug quickly.

"Zuko, even the best of men lose their way...that is no reason to even think about doing such a horrible act."

"I know, uncle..." You hug back, realizing now that it felt that if you let go, you'd fade away.

"...Get some sleep...We will talk about this in the morning..." Iroh slowly gets up, clearing the dishes.

You drag yourself to your room, noticing your swords no longer hid under your bed. You lay down that night, though, sleep was something you would not be doing at all.

Instead, you lay awake, crying softly.

What else were you to do when, over the sound of the rain outside, you can hear uncle Iroh crying too.

**_A/N: Kind of rushed, but I may or may not have a second chapter. _**

**_disclaimers: I own nothing_**


	2. Chapter 2

If you had to answer honestly, you'd assume your self doubt began shortly after you were burned. You stared at your reflection in the mirror of your bedroom, half of your face bound tightly in bandages. You were confused as to why your father would do such a thing to his only son. You felt cowardly as well, but, you would not fight your father.

As he cleaned the burn around your eye, Iroh tried to talk to you about it, not that you remember what he had said or anything. You picked a point on your wall, a picture of your mother, and stared at it, letting your mind walk away from you. You didn't want to be here anymore. The entire Fire Nation now knew of your cowardly action. If you could, you would curl up in a ball and disappear.

Your wish would soon be granted, however, not in the way you thought it would be.

You had been banished, sent on a goose chase for the Avatar. Once he was found, your honor would be restored. At this moment, finding the Avatar became your main concern.

That was around the time your self loathing complex began.

Maybe it was because the rest of your crew treated you as a child or maybe it had to do with how no one understood just how important this mission was to you. You found yourself brooding in your room when you had the time; training when you weren't.

It's because of this, that your crew began losing respect for you. Not that they should respect the banished prince.

You realize now that you think about it, you realize you never gave them anything to respect.

To them, you were a hot headed teenager who was doing his best to be an adult.

They weren't entirely wrong either.

However, you were hot headed for a good reason. Your honor was at stake here.

For whatever reason, you no longer cared for their respect, even after they began to show it.

As you and Iroh set out on your own, you became more aware of your inner turmoil. You began starting battles, fighting mostly with yourself. You were reduced to nothing but a pathetic robber. Then you met the Freedom Fighters and your lack of thinking came in to light.

Jet was the first to see this. It was the first time anyone had ever tired to question you about it until now. He saw right through your disguise as Li and looked straight to who you really were.

And now begins your paranoia.

You didn't know why, but you always felt that people were talking about you. That more than likely is what lead you to this point.

All you'd hear about was how the banished prince dropped off the face of the planet. Some would wonder out loud what had happened to you, other thought it was a God sent.

Many people thought is was better that way.

With you gone, everyone was saved from your crazy behavior and Avatar hunt. No one had to deal with the seemingly pointless mission of a teenager.

No one had to face you.

And that's why you were here. If you had to wake up another morning, world against you, you wouldn't be able to take it. Uncle Iroh tried his best to understand.

"They all hate me..." You started, looking up at your uncle. He had just finished making his tea and was seated on the floor across from you.

"And who is 'they', Prince Zuko?" He asks, setting his cup beside him.

"Well, everyone."

"That did not answer my question."

"Fine, every one in all four nations hate me."

"Now, that can't be. I don't remember hating you. Perhaps it is just my age getting the better of my memory." Iroh jokes, taking a sip from his tea.

"Uncle, I'm known as a coward back home, I have no honor," You mumble, "I have nothing for anyone to respect."

"That is back home, Prince Zuko, things are different here." He offers you a smile that you shoot down.

"People here hate me too."

"Zuko, people here do not know you as Fire Nation. Here, they think you are Li, and if I had to guess, I would say they like you very much."

"But, I'm not Li-"

"In a way, you are, you have a role to play, and you do it quite naturally." He shifts, "Now, aside from the hate...what else would make you think that this was the better option?" He sets his tea on the floor.

"I...I don't know...It just...it seemed so much easier...than living..."

Iroh takes a moment to think about what you said before coming up with a response, "Zuko, the easiest way is not always the right way. Life is hard, this I know. But, it does get better and it does have its rewards."

"How? How can life get better? I was lucky to be born-"

"If you keep loathing yourself, how can you possible expect anything to get better?"

You stop to think about his question

"It can't get better." You finally answer.

"Exactly, you must change to make yourself happy. The rest of your life with follow with it." He picks your letter up and hands it to you, "Now, Zuko, I never want to see this sort of thing from you again."

You nodded slowly, letting a slow flow of energy flow to your hand, heating the paper until it burned.

As the paper burned away, your old self went with it.

**_A/N: Yes, it kinda sucky ending. I actually messed up the whole part of them being in Ba Sing Se and my twin (Purpledragon6), my bud, and I were in Algebra trying to figure that out. So yeah. I might try my hand at a little more Zuko fics, just cause he's so fun to write for. THANKS FOR READING!_**


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